


another life to live

by Stjosten



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Implied/Referenced Past Abuse, M/M, Neil bonding with the foxes, Neil learns how to be a human being, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, discussions of mental health, its about the Friendships, its about the healing, neil finding a family, soft, yoga as a form of relaxation, you know slow for a one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25831162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stjosten/pseuds/Stjosten
Summary: “It’s called Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,” Dr. Kumar explained, “It comes from repeated exposure to emotional and physical trauma that the victim has no control over.”Neil ignored the word victim and tried to focus on the word trauma. “How do I get rid of it?”Dr. Kumar didn’t look at him with pity, guilt, or any of the other baseless emotions people often gave him.“You don’t,” She said, “But I can teach you how to live with it.”or Neil learns how to live rather than just survive
Relationships: Matt Boyd & Neil Josten, Neil Josten & Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten & Renee Walker, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 73
Kudos: 539





	another life to live

**Author's Note:**

> I want to preface this by saying that I am not a medical professional so some of this might not be exactly accurate. I used some real life experience along with some first hand experiences from people I know.

Neil’s entire life was full of half-kept promises. 

His mother had a firm hand and a sharp voice meant for yelling. Knives were an extension of his father’s hands and wielded wildly like a dog flinging around a chew toy. 

Neil was the target board for both. 

Mercy Medical Center was unrivaled for their care in mental health and emotional wellness. Neil wasn’t a fan of doctors, therapists, counselors, or even teachers. He always feared that they would see right through him, know him, understand him, catch on to the never ending circle of lies and false-truths that he was forced to put out into the universe. 

He was not hiding anymore. They said the court ordered therapy was meant to _help_ him. It wasn’t a punishment, it wasn’t because they thought Neil was a danger to himself or others. It was appointed because he would not go unless they made him. So they were making him. 

The problem with taking away Neil’s options, cutting him off at the knees and removing his ability to run, was that he had no other option than to fight. Which is why he is sitting in Dr. Rashida Kumar’s office with his arms crossed, looking pointedly out the far left window and ignoring any and all questions that Dr. Kumar could throw his way. 

It started simple. 

_Tell me about yourself. Tell me about your childhood. Tell me about your family._

A liar. It was shit. _They_ were shit. 

He didn’t answer.

Dr. Kumar was very patient. He thought maybe it was the years of experience under her belt. She was older than his mother, old enough to be a grandma maybe. She had speckles of gray hair and wrinkled skin that was covered in dark freckles and glowed a warm bronze under the light from the window. 

She didn’t look at Neil like an experiment, as the counselors in the hospital had. She didn’t look at him like one would look at an injured puppy, with guilt and a lot of sympathy. She didn’t look at him like people on the street would look at him before he had gotten all of the scars, like an insignificant person. A random blimp on the radar that held no great significance to the world. 

No, she looked at him like he meant something. Like he had something important to say. Neil didn’t know what to do with a look like that. So he avoided eye contact whenever possible. 

“I know this is difficult for you, Neil,” Dr. Kumar said, “Therapy is not easy and there is no one path that will make this go by faster. You will have to work for it, every step of the way you will have to push yourself to try harder. That doesn’t mean we can’t start simple.” 

Neil didn’t say anything. He just kept staring out the window and let her words sink in. 

“We can talk about whatever you want,” She offered. 

“Like what?” 

“Anything. What you had for breakfast this morning. What you plan to do with the rest of your day. Your favorite TV show or movie. We can even talk about the weather if you would like. Whatever makes you comfortable.” 

_Whatever gets you talking_ went unsaid. 

“I don’t have anything to talk about,” Neil replied. He finally looked away from the window and looked to Dr. Kumar. This was their third appointment. It still wasn’t any easier. “I have nothing important to say.” 

“Anything you say is important,” Dr Kumar replied kindly. When she smiled the crow’s feet around her eyes wrinkled a bit deeper. Neil wondered if his mother would have wrinkles like that if she had been given the chance to live long enough. 

“That isn’t true,” Neil replied, “How can talking about something as insignificant as the weather be important?” 

Dr. Kumar hummed and leaned back in her plush leather chair. “It is significant because it affects your life, your day, your plans. If you wanted to go for a walk through the park but it’s raining outside you would have to change your entire plan for the day. It feels like a disappointment. It’s significant because it affects you, however small.” 

If it was raining and Neil wanted to go for a walk through the park he would still go. Rain wasn’t enough to stop him. There were worse things in life than a little bit of rain. 

Neil chewed on the inside of his mouth and debated what he wanted to say, if he wanted to say anything at all. He wasn’t lying when he said that he had nothing important to say. There wasn’t anything going on in his life currently. Everything was quiet. 

Dr. Kumar waited without an ounce of frustration cracking through her face. The similarities between her and his mother started and stopped with their gender and color of their skin. He thought maybe he should throw her a bone.

“I got a job,” Neil offered, “Even though I don’t need one.” 

“That’s great,” Dr. Kumar said, “Where is it?” 

“The deli on Commerce,” Neil offered, “Paul’s Deli.” 

“Oh I’ve heard of it. Is it good work?” 

The owner was loud and had a big family. His wife came in and swore up a storm with her thick Long Island accent, usually with one kid on her hip and another running circles around her. Paul was an okay guy. He gave Neil the job even though he had zero experience and was skittish around older men.

“It’s fine,” Neil said, “It gives me something to do.” 

Dr. Kumar hummed and smiled. She looked proud of him. There was a lightness in her eyes that Neil had never seen pointed in his direction before. 

“I’m happy for you,” She said and meant it. 

Neil felt his cheeks go warm. He looked back towards the window and watched a flock of birds settle into the trees in the courtyard. He wondered if they always knew where they belonged without having to be told. 

“Tell me more about your job,” Dr. Kumar said, pushing just the right amount, “Or we can talk about something else entirely.” 

Neil opened his mouth and started talking. 

*

What the counselors at the hospital described as hostility towards authority figures, Neil called self-preservation. 

His apartment was a small one bedroom tucked away in a large apartment complex in an area that was full of Italian and Polish immigrants. No one in his building knew how to be quiet. The tenant above him was heavy footed and walked around his apartment like he was marching into battle. The tenant below him smoked enough weed to knock a small horse out of consciousness. The tenant to his left spent half of the day yelling in Polish and the tenant to the right spent most of the _night_ yelling in Polish. Sometimes they sounded like the same person. 

Neil didn’t sleep because sleeping was a privilege. He spent most nights awake with one eye cracked open. He still hadn’t adjusted to sleeping without his mother’s weight in the bed beside him, even if it had been years since he was with her. 

Therapy at Mercy Medical Center was twice a week. Tuesdays and Thursdays. The court order specified that the number of appointments was up to the doctor's discretion. There hadn’t been much progress since he started, so Neil wasn’t surprised that Dr. Kumar had him on a tight leash. 

He needed most of Tuesday and Thursday to prepare himself for the therapy session and then decompress afterwards. Even if they never talked about anything significant, it still felt like being flayed alive on the spot. He needed time to put himself back together again. 

This meant that he worked on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays and kept Monday for himself. The counselors at the hospital, the ones he saw before he had met Dr. Kumar, had told him that a regular schedule and patterned behavior would help him feel more settled. It worked for the most part. A pattern and a schedule gave him little room for much else. Which meant that he didn’t have to think very often. 

Mondays were reserved for cleaning his apartment, listening to the tenants on the left argue and yell in Polish, and then going for a run through the park nearby to clear his head. He ran to the point of exhaustion, pushing his body as far as it was able to go. He hoped that it would be enough to knock him straight into sleep, but like clockwork the tenant on the left would fall quiet and then the tenant on the right would seem to appear out of thin air and start their harsh yelling. 

It was particularly bad on this very Monday. Neil covered his face with a pillow, tried to block out the sounds of the neighbor yelling and the people upstairs stomping. Usually the noises were so different from the ones he would often hear back in Baltimore, that it did not trigger any sort of visceral flashback, but tonight was different. 

He got out of bed and threw on a sweatshirt, grabbed his keys, and then left his apartment. He made it all the way down to the front lobby before the panic started to set in. As soon as he was outside he started running. 

Hours passed before he came back to his apartment, sweaty and breathing heavily. He threw off his sweater and fell into bed without taking a shower.

There was still yelling coming from the neighbor, but this time Neil didn’t mistake it for anything other than what it was. He fell asleep and did not dream. 

*

“It’s called Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,” Dr. Kumar explained, “It comes from repeated exposure to emotional and physical trauma that the victim has no control over.”

Neil ignored the word victim and tried to focus on the word trauma. “How do I get rid of it?” 

Dr. Kumar didn’t look at him with pity, guilt, or any of the other baseless emotions people often gave him. 

“You don’t,” She said, “But, I can teach you how to live with it.” 

Neil chewed on the inside of his mouth until he tasted blood. 

“So that’s it?” He asked, “I’m going to be fucked up forever?” 

“No,” Dr. Kumar said quickly, shaking her head, “First, of all I want you to know that I don’t appreciate you calling yourself fucked up.” She made finger quotes around his own words before lowering her hands. “That isn’t a healthy way to look at yourself. You have been through significant trauma, trauma that most people could not even imagine, but that does not make you any less than someone else.” 

Neil wanted to roll his eyes. Wanted to tell her to cut the niceties out of the conversation and just be honest with him. No one was ever honest with him.

“Second of all,” Dr. Kumar continued, ignoring the forlorn look on Neil’s face, “You will have good days and you will have bad days. There will be times that it will feel like nothing bad has ever happened to you. You’ll be able to go out with friends, spend an entire day at work without having one spike of anxiety, and laugh without having to think twice about it being allowed.

“There will be good days but there will also be bad days. Days where getting out of bed is a monumental task that you just can’t seem to manage. Those days are going to make you feel like you’ve taken three steps back. As if you have made no progress at all.” 

She leaned forward on her desk and gave Neil a significant look. “On bad days I want you to remember something very, very important. You will always carry what happened to you around like a backpack. A significant weight that will make traversing even the most flat surface seem impossible, but that does not mean that we can’t start to redistribute the weight. That does not mean that you can’t ask for someone to help you carry it.” 

Neil let the words sink in and then let them fly around his head like the flock of birds out in the courtyard. He wondered if Dr. Kumar knew how it sounded. He didn’t want to rely on anyone. Not even a medical professional. 

“Until you can learn to manage your own backpack, to adjust to the weight and get comfortable with the new load you have been handed, I will be here to help you carry it,” Dr. Kumar said, “It is okay to ask for help. I will never judge you.” 

Neil thought about the duffel bag he carried with him for so many years. The one that was stuffed to the brim with clothing, money, and weapons. The one that his mother would shove over his shoulder and use to drag him around. She never tried to help him. Only added more to the burden for him to carry. 

“What if no one can help me?” Neil asked, “I don’t want to rely on other people. I want to learn how to help myself.” 

Dr. Kumar smiled and it was brighter than the lazy afternoon sun. Neil blinked away the black spots in his eyes when he looked at her. 

“You will,” Dr. Kumar said, “I promise you will. It will be a slow process. A frustrating process. Some days you will hate me for pushing so much. Some days you will want to throw in the towel and give up. Just be sure to remind yourself why you’re doing this. Why we’re working to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Why we’re trying to help you learn how to deal with symptoms and flashbacks.”

“Why are we doing it?” Neil asked. 

“So that you can learn to live,” Dr. Kumar said, “Rather than just survive.” 

Neil let out a deep breath and nodded. 

Living sounded like a half baked promise. One that he desperately wanted. 

*

Neil left his Tuesday appointment feeling heavy. Dr. Kumar was good at pushing just the right amount without ever shoving Neil over the edge. He would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate her effort. Or that it wasn’t starting to help in one way or another. The results were slow coming but Dr. Kumar had been right, there were good days and there were bad days. 

What she failed to mention were the okay days. The days where nothing of great significance happened, where he just felt like he was floating in space. Today was one of those days. Monday had been one of those days. 

The parking lot of Mercy’s Medical Center was mostly empty. There was an older patron sitting in a wheelchair by the front door. She gave Neil a wrinkly smile when he passed. He didn’t return the gesture. 

Neil stood by the front curb and checked his phone for the bus schedule. The next bus to his apartment wasn’t for another thirty minutes. He could probably walk the ten miles if he really wanted. Maybe it would be good for him. Maybe it would help redistribute the weight he was carrying, as Dr. Kumar so often said. 

_Trauma._ It tasted like an admission that Neil didn’t want to make. It implied that there was something wrong, when in reality there couldn’t be anything wrong with him. When he started to panic, when he saw a shadow that looked too much like his father, when he was paranoid that someone was following him, he would hear his mother’s voice in the back of his head telling him to pull it together. He would feel the ghost of her fingers in his hair and a slam of his head against any hard surface. He wasn’t allowed to have trauma. Trauma was something he couldn’t afford. 

Neil let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

“Smoke?” 

Neil nearly jumped straight out of his skin. He turned and stepped back, flinching away from the stranger that had appeared at his side out of nowhere. 

Neil hadn’t heard his approach, too absorbed in his own thoughts to notice that someone had snuck up beside him. Neil tried to push down the panic that was blooming in his chest. This would have been terrible if Neil was still on the run. Letting someone sneak up on him when he wasn’t paying attention. 

“No?” The stranger asked. He lifted an eyebrow and looked vaguely amused by Neil’s discomfort. He shrugged when Neil made no move to accept the rolled cigarette. He lifted it to his lips and pulled out a lighter. “More for me then.” 

The flick of a lighter was a trigger that Neil liked to pretend wasn’t a trigger at all. His entire body went tight as the stranger lit his cigarette. Neil waited for the familiar burn against his skin, waited for the smell of burning flesh to reach his nose. 

“That bothered by it?” The guy asked, “What are you? Holier than thou about smoking?” 

“No,” Neil grit out. He forced his body to relax one muscle at a time, but the tightness in his chest remained. He wondered what Dr. Kumar would say about his acknowledgement of his own discomfort and reaction. She would probably be proud that he was able to admit that the sound of a lighter flicking bothered him. 

“What a good little liar,” The stranger said. 

Neil glared at him. “Can you fuck off?” 

The stranger raised his hands in innocence. “Just being friendly.” 

“This has not been a friendly interaction,” Neil said, “In fact, it was the opposite.” 

“Touchy,” The stranger said. He blew out a breath of smoke without removing the cigarette from his lips. “What are you here for?”

“Are you supposed to ask that?” 

The blonde looked very amused. “This isn’t prison. We’re all here for the same reason.” 

Neil did not think that this guy could be here for the same reason. He was far too comfortable approaching a complete stranger for him to be there for the same reason that Neil was here.

“I doubt that,” Neil said.

The stranger hummed. “You can prove me wrong if you’d like.” 

“I’m not telling you shit,” Neil replied with annoyance.

The stranger hummed but didn’t look disappointed. “Damn. I thought you could be interesting.” 

Neil rolled his eyes and grabbed his phone to check the time. He had lost about fifteen minutes between his daydreaming and the stranger harassing him.

“You thought wrong,” Neil said and then gave the stranger a once over. 

He was all washed out colors compared to the all black outfit that he was sporting. Neil wondered if there was a statement he was trying to make. He probably shouldn’t be so confrontational for someone whose attire screamed _do not approach_. Even his large black boots were sporting spikes on the back. 

“That’s unfortunate,” the blonde said, “Maybe next time.” 

“I hope there isn’t a next time,” Neil replied. 

“Andrew,” The guy said, “For next time.”

“There won’t be a next time,” Neil said emphatically, “Goodbye.” 

Neil left Mercy Medical Center and only looked back once to see Andrew giving him a condescending two finger salute. Neil didn’t return the gesture but he flipped him the bird and tried not to notice Andrew’s amused smirk.

*

“I’m telling you she’s a right bitch,” Paul yelled from the back. Neil was wiping down the front counter in between customers. The deli usually wasn’t busy after the lunch rush. A few customers would trickle in and out for the rest of the afternoon until the dinner rush. Neil was working the morning shift today. He wouldn’t have to work through the five pm dinner rush. 

“I have to deal with enough shit running my own business,” Paul continued yelling. Neil had no idea if he was talking to him at this point or if he was just yelling into the voice so he could feel better. “Now I gotta deal with her running her mouth at home! I can’t catch a fucking break.” 

The bell over the front door rang out. Neil knew that it wouldn’t be enough to stop Paul’s rambling, he often kept yelling even when customers were in the store. 

It had taken Neil weeks to get used to Paul’s abrasive personality. Neil was okay with his bellowing for the most part. As long as he focused on the differences between Paul and his father he would be fine. 

The customer that walked in was practically a giant in the small deli. He had a goofy smile on his face and leaned against the front counter as soon as he was close enough. 

“Hey, kid,” The guy said. Neil frowned at the nickname but didn’t correct him. They looked to be about the same age, even if Neil was small he was still 24 years old. Definitely not a kid. 

“What can I get you?” Neil asked, trying to sound pleasant. The guy didn’t notice the tense tone in Neil’s voice. He racked off an order and then leaned against the counter as he waited for Neil to put it together. All the while Paul was yelling from the back.

“Listen, Neil,” Paul called, “I’m a good guy, right?” He stepped from the back room and didn’t even blink when he saw that they had a customer. 

“Sure,” Neil said. 

“I mean I do my fucking best,” Paul said, he started pacing around the back counter. Neil didn’t keep track of his movements, too busy putting together the order for their customer. “I put fucking food on the table. I pay the bills. I fucked up one time, you know? Forgot to pay the car bill for a few months. So what?” Paul kept rambling as he went around the counter and then into the back of the shop. He didn’t stop even when his voice was muffled. 

“Wow,” The customer said with a laugh, “Is he always like that?” 

“Always,” Neil acknowledged with a sigh. Even if it was insignificant Neil sort of enjoyed his loud ramblings. It reminded him that he could be comfortable with an older male being loud in his presence. It helped him feel like he wasn’t so fucked up. 

_Not fucked up,_ He reminded himself, _not fucked up_.

“Must be a bit overwhelming,” The customer said with a smirk, “I get it though. I work at the tattoo parlor next door. Everyone over there is just as loud.” 

Neil had never been to the parlor next door but it was hard to miss the bright orange, neon sign over the door that said Foxy Tattoos and Piercings.

“Oh,” Neil said, “That’s- that’s cool.” 

The customer smirked and nodded, “Yeah it’s alright. My name is Matt by the way.” 

Neil finished wrapping his order and placed it on the counter between them. 

“Neil,” Neil replied, “That’s going to be 12.75.” 

“Got it,” Matt said. He handed over a twenty and grabbed his sandwiches.

“Wait,” Neil said, watching Matt leave the store, “Your change?” 

“Keep it, buddy,” Matt replied with a wide smile, “Have a good day.” 

He sent one last wave over his shoulder before leaving the deli and Neil behind. Paul kept rambling in the background. This time moving on to topics about his kid’s recital. Neil made out the change and stuffed the extra bills into his pocket.

Apparently there were all sorts of people living in Palmetto. Not all of them were too awful, it seemed. 

*

“Are you ready to talk about your father?” Dr. Kumar asked. It had been two months since Neil started seeing her twice a week. They never once mentioned Nathan Wesninski. Only ever in parting comments. 

“I--” Neil started, but stopped himself before he could go on. Did he want to talk about his father? 

The truth was that he didn’t ever want to think about Nathan Wesninski again. A part of him understood that it was necessary, eventually, to bring up his father, to go over in excruciating detail all of the awful things that Nathan had done to him and to the people around him. 

That wasn’t the question, though was it? Dr. Kumar didn’t ask if he _wanted_ to talk about Nathan. She asked if he was _ready_ to talk about Nathan. What a difference those two questions posed. For once Neil was being given a choice. He could easily turn it down and say no, or he could take the bait and hook himself on the line. 

“I don’t know,” Neil admitted. Dr. Kumar motioned for him to continue. 

“I sometimes think that I want to,” Neil explained, “Talk about him, I mean. Other times I want to forget about him. Pretend he never existed.” 

“I understand,” Dr. Kumar said and she meant it, “We don’t have to talk about him until you are completely ready.” 

Would he ever be ready? 

“Will I ever be ready?” 

Dr. Kumar smiled. The kind of smile that held more pride than any one person had ever held for Neil. 

“Someday,” Dr. Kumar said, “Today doesn’t have to be the day.” 

Neil nodded and played with the fraying edges of his sweatshirt. 

_Today didn’t have to be the day._

“Okay,” Neil replied, “I don’t think I’m ready yet.” 

Dr. Kumar did not look disappointed. She did not look at him with anything other than warmth. 

“Okay,” She said with a smile, “We can talk about ways for you to relax instead. Have you ever tried meditation or yoga?” 

*

Palmetto had one yoga studio. It was on the other side of town from Neil’s apartment but close enough to the Medical Center that he could probably walk. He left his appointment on Thursday with the address and a name of an instructor. He walked the two miles in the fall breeze and didn’t think about how he usually needed a couple of hours of alone time to sort himself out after therapy. Apparently today was a good day. 

The yoga studio was open and washed in light blues and soft greens. There were plants in the window and on the front steps. It was probably someone’s house at one point, it was stuck in an area that had been transformed from suburbia to commercial. Only a few houses remained, but they had been taken over by various businesses. One small house was now an antique store. The house in front of him had been converted into a yoga studio. 

The bell over the front door chimed bright when Neil entered. There was light music playing but it was nothing more than a whisper of ambient noise. Even if the environment was meant to be calming Neil still felt a spike of anxiety when he was finally inside. 

The girl behind the counter was soft around the edges, her hair tied back into a large overflowing ponytail, the curls sticking in every direction. 

“Hello,” She said sweetly. She had a name tag on that said _Robin_ in bright pink. “How can I help you?” 

That was a question people kept asking him. The counselors, Dr. Kumar, the FBI agent that worked his father’s case, the doctor that sewed Neil back together again after being kidnapped. 

Neil cleared his throat. “Someone recommended I come here,” He said awkwardly, “And ask for someone named Renee.” 

Robin smiled bright and said, “Give me one second. I can go get her.” 

Neil nodded and watched Robin slip into the back. She came back a few minutes later with Renee close behind her. She had stark white hair that had been dip dyed in a flurry of colors. She looked like a rainbow after a harsh storm. 

“Hello. I’m Renee,” Renee said sweetly. She stepped out from behind the counter and offered her hand for Neil to take. 

“Neil,” He said gently. He shook her hand hesitantly and tried not to be embarrassed at Renee’s knowing smile. 

“Why don’t you come with me to the back? We can talk there.” 

Neil nodded and followed Renee out of the front office and down a tight hallway. There was an open room to the side that was currently filled with middle aged women all standing in different poses. Neil looked away and tried to bite back the need to run. 

Renee stopped by a door at the end of the hall and pushed it open, ushering Neil inside and then closing the door behind them. 

There was a set of chairs and a small coffee table in the center of the room. Renee walked over and sat down, gesturing for Neil to join her. 

“Would you like something to drink?” Renee asked, once Neil was seated. 

“No, thank you,” Neil replied, “I won’t be staying long. I just--” He stopped and then scratched at the back of his neck, “I’m not sure why I’m here.” 

“Who recommended us?” Renee asked.

“My doctor,” Neil replied, trying not to be embarrassed. His anxiety spiked once again but he pushed it down. “Dr. Kumar from Mercy Medical.”

“Oh!” Renee said brightly, “Rashida is great. We’ve been working together since we started our practice here a few years ago. She sends people our way all the time.” 

“Oh,” Neil said softly. It helped ebb the feeling of unease in his stomach. Renee wasn’t saying any of this with judgement, but with understanding. 

“Have you ever practiced yoga before?” Renee asked. Neil shook his head. “Okay that’s fine. We have a lot of newcomers here. Would you want to try it one on one or with a class?” 

Renee looked like she knew the answer already. 

“One on one,” Neil said, then quickly added, “If that’s okay.” 

Renee smiled and it reminded Neil of Dr. Kumar’s unwavering proud smile. “Absolutely,” Renee said, “That’s very much fine. I can set something up for us.” 

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and started swiping and clicking until she found what she was looking for. “What day would you prefer?” 

“Monday,” Neil said automatically. Mondays were his but they were often filled with time-wasting tasks. Maybe he could do something more significant for once.

“Perfect,” Renee said, “I have an opening on Mondays at 3 pm. Does that sound good?” 

Neil nodded and Renee continued to smile sweetly at him. 

“Perfect,” She said. She stood up and Neil followed her back out into the front room. “I’ll see you Monday.” 

Neil nodded and left the store feeling a bit lighter than he had all day.

*

Matt kept coming into the Deli for his lunch break. Most of the time he was alone, but sometimes he would bring in someone from the parlor. Most days it was his wife Dan. She was just as nice as Matt, always welcoming and smiling warmly at Neil. She asked him about his day, asked about his apartment, his life here in Palmetto, and sometimes his family. She only had to ask once. She caught on to Neil’s immediate tense posture and never mentioned it again. 

“What do you do when you aren’t working?” Dan asked. 

He didn’t mention therapy or the therapy appointed yoga appointments with Renee. 

“I go running,” Neil said. He was putting together their usual orders. Matt was talking to Paul about the storefront that was for sale on the other side of the tattoo parlor, while Dan leaned against the counter and kept her eyes on Neil. 

“Is that all?” Dan asked, surprised, “You don’t have any other hobbies?” 

“Not really,” Neil replied automatically. He enjoyed yoga but it was mostly a means to an end for him. It helped release some tension, helped him center himself into the present. Renee taught him how to meditate when he was stressed or feeling anxious. Somehow it helped more than anything else he had tried before. Not even running could really push the feelings of panic and paranoia away, but even ten minutes of silence and slow breathing managed to help.

“Damn,” Dan said emphatically, “You would get along with our friend Kevin. He’s a health nut that spends more time in the gym than he does anywhere else.”

Neil hummed and Dan suddenly stood up straight, startling Neil and almost making him drop the sandwich he had just finished putting together for them. 

She snapped her fingers and said, “I just had a brilliant idea. Why don’t you come hang out with us one night?” 

Neil’s hands started shaking automatically. “I don’t know--”

“Really,” Dan said, “It would be a lot of fun. You can meet some new people and we can get to know you. It will be fun, what do you say?” 

“Uh,” Neil started, sucking in a breath, “I’m not really great with crowds.” 

It was the truth. He couldn’t relax in a room stuffed full of people he didn’t know, especially not when they could get close to him without anyone stopping them.

“That’s okay,” Dan said, “We can keep it low key. Do you drink?” 

Neil shook his head. 

“That’s also okay,” Dan said, “A couple of our friends don’t drink either. We still go and hang out at the bar on Sundays. It’s also technically our Friday.” She looked expectantly at Neil and asked, “What do you think?” 

Without thinking too much about it, and maybe a bit impulsively, Neil opened his mouth and said, “Okay.” 

“Great!” Dan said happily, clapping her hands together. Neil flinched. If Dan noticed, she didn’t say anything. She grabbed a napkin from the counter and grabbed a pen from the small cup that Neil had set beside the cash register. She wrote out a phone number and then slid the napkin across the counter. 

“That is my number,” Dan said, “Text me so I can have yours. I will send you the address and time. Okay?” 

Neil nodded. “Yeah, okay.” 

He finished the sandwiches and placed them on the counter in front of Dan. He took the napkin and slipped it into his pocket, promising himself that he would add the number to his phone when he finished his shift. 

“Thanks, cutie,” Dan said. She handed Neil a bundle of cash and didn’t bother waiting for the change.

“See you, Neil,” Matt called as they left. 

“Nice, guy,” Paul said, “Real fuckin tall though. Like freakishly tall.” 

Neil choked back a laugh, it came out sounding like a snort. Paul gave him an amused look. 

“I’m tellin’ ya,” Paul said, “We’re not short. Everyone else is just real fuckin’ tall.” 

Neil couldn’t help but let out an amused sound once again. 

“Whatever you say, Paul,” Neil replied. Paul walked behind the counter and clapped a hand on Neil’s shoulder in passing. 

Neil started wiping down the counters and cleaning up his work station as soon as he was alone. He didn’t register that he hadn’t flinched at Paul’s touch until hours later, when he was alone in his apartment and meditating. 

*

Someone called him ‘boy’ in passing. It was an innocent comment, so insignificant that Neil couldn’t even remember the context. But he had focused on _boy_ immediately and intensely. Suddenly he wasn’t in the checkout line at the grocery store. He was cowering in front of his father in the basement in Baltimore. He was crying, begging, and pleading for his father to _stop_. 

Neil didn’t finish ringing up his groceries. He left in a rush, ignoring the store clerk calling out to him in confusion. As soon as he was alone and away from other people, he let himself panic. He tried to practice the coping mechanisms that Dr. Kumar had taught him. 

_Take in a deep breath. Say something you see outloud. Remind yourself where you are, who you are, what you’re doing. Try not to let yourself get lost in the memory. Try to keep your eyes open. Focus on something that is real._

He went straight into a crouch and practiced every single technique that Dr. Kumar had given him. 

“I am Neil Josten,” Neil said outloud, “I am in Palmetto, South Carolina. I can see a red pick up truck in the parking lot. I was in the grocery store. It is Wednesday, October 15th. I can see a water bottle on the curb. I am safe.” 

He pinched the inside of his arm and took in slow breaths between every sentence. He calmed down slowly. It was a miracle. For once he was able to pull himself back. 

Neil choked on a breath but did not let it stop him from trying again. 

_It is not going to be easy_. 

“It is not going to be easy,” Neil said out loud, reminding himself of Dr. Kumar’s words. 

_But you will be okay._

“But I will be okay.” 

*

Dr. Kumar was more than proud of him when he told her about the grocery store incident. She reminded him over and over again that he could call her if he ever needed to, but Neil persisted in his stubborn reply that he was fine. He was figuring out the best ways to pull himself back from a flashback. It was not perfect, but it was working for him, and that was more than enough. 

She smiled with such pride in her eyes that Neil almost had to look away. He didn’t. Instead he tried to smile back, which only made Dr. Kumar smile wider.

They were still set on twice weekly appointments, but Neil figured that it would change sooner rather than later. Especially whenever Dr. Kumar went over his progress at the end of every week. 

Neil felt better after his session. He walked out of Mercy Medical Center with a renewed purpose. There was an older patron once again sitting in a wheelchair by the exit. She gave Neil a wrinkled smile and for the first time since Neil had run into her, he smiled back. 

He was about to start the walk to the bus stop when he caught sight of the blonde stranger from weeks ago standing by the pillars in front of the building. He had a lit cigarette in his hand and was taking a long drag. Neil considered just walking past him and leaving, but his body moved of its own accord, taking a step up and stopping right beside Andrew. 

“Hey,” Neil said dumbly. 

Andrew gave him a passive glance. He looked much different than he had the first time Neil met him. He wasn’t smiling and there was a bored look in his eyes that had replaced the amusement his expression carried before. 

“Hey,” Andrew said. His voice had little to no inflection and he sounded almost bored. 

“What?” Neil asked, “No snide comments?”

“You’re mistaking me for someone else,” Andrew replied, “My twin, probably.” 

Neil looked down at the familiar set of spiked black boots and then looked back up to catch Andrew’s eyes. “That’s a lie.” 

Andrew gave him a smirk but it was different from the look he had given Neil the first time they met. It was subdued and quiet. Neil preferred this smile to the alternative. 

“Only a partial lie,” Andrew replied, “I really do have a twin.” 

“Does he share the same sparkling personality?” Neil asked. 

Andrew shrugged. “I fear he’s painfully normal.” 

Neil couldn’t hide his own amusement at the easy banter. “Unfortunate.” 

“Painfully.” 

Andrew took another drag of his rolled cigarette and let the smoke waft out through his nostrils like a fire breathing dragon. He gave Neil an assessing look, his eyes wandering from the scars on Neil’s face down to the boring pair of sneakers he was sporting.

“What are you?” Andrew asked, “A nightmare or a pipe dream?” 

“Neither,” Neil replied, “My name is Neil.” 

“Neil,” Andrew repeated. 

Neil nodded. “Just Neil.” 

“Just Neil,” Andrew echoed, “An honest name.” 

“Why are you so different?” Neil asked, “You were much more-” He paused to think of the right words, “I don’t know, peppy, the first time I met you.” 

“Drugs,” Andrew replied. Neil was shocked at first before Andrew clarified. “Prescription. Didn’t work. Wrong dosage or something. Made me manic.” 

Neil’s lips curved into an ‘oh’ shape. Andrew gave him another slight smirk, it was really only an upturn of lips, but one of his cheeks still managed to dimple. 

“I won’t apologize,” Andrew said, “For anything I said when I was on those meds.” 

“I don’t expect you to,” Neil replied, “Really. It’s fine.” 

Andrew shrugged. “Sure thing, red.” 

“Red?” Neil asked, amused, “I get a nickname?” 

“Your hair is bright red,” Andrew said, like Neil didn’t know, “Like the setting sun.” 

“Poetic,” Neil commented, but he felt his cheeks heating up anyway. The only thoughts he had about his hair were about how it made him look like his father. He had never considered the color attractive before. Only a dark reminder. 

“What’s your damage, then?” Andrew asked, “You never did tell me.” 

“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask again,” Neil said. He chewed the inside of his lip nervously.

“I can go first if you want,” Andrew offered. He raised a hand and gestured to himself. “Bi-Polar with violent tendencies,” he said casually, “Okay now it’s your turn.” 

Neil sucked in a breath and avoided meeting Andrew’s eyes as he said, “Complex PTSD.” 

“Fun,” Andrew said. Neil shot a look at him that said _it’s anything but_ , only to find that Andrew wasn’t looking at him anymore. He was staying off into the distance. His eyes sort of glassed over as if he was remembering something. 

“Why do you ask?” Neil asked, “We don’t know each other.” 

Andrew spared him a glance before taking one final drag of his cigarette and flicking it out into the parking lot in front of them. 

“Not yet,” He said. He gave Neil one last significant look before turning and walking away. Neil watched him go until he stopped by a black car in the parking lot and got inside. 

_Strange_. 

Neil walked to the bus station and waited for his bus to arrive. On the ride home he thought about what he wanted to make for dinner. When he got home he cooked and thought about the visit to the bar that was coming up on Sunday. He went to bed and ignored the neighbors yelling in Polish. 

He slept the entire night and did not wake up once. 

*

Dan and Matt did not tell Neil how many people were going to be at the bar so when he arrived to find an entire packed table, he almost turned around and left. Dan had said that they would keep it low key. This was _not_ low key. This was a large group of strangers that Neil wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with. The bar was empty as Dan had promised, not many people went out drinking on a Sunday, but that didn’t help to ebb any of Neil’s panic.

He had never hung out with a group of people before. He never had the chance to make friends growing up. It was hard to remember the last time he had spent time with a group of people his age. He didn’t know if he would say the right things. Would they think he was annoying? Would he say something embarrassing? What if one of them said something that acted like a trigger? What if they tried to touch him? 

Neil was half way out the door when Matt called his name. It seemed there would be no escaping this. He should have left as soon as he arrived. 

He turned back into the bar and made his way over to the table. Dan and Matt cleared a space between them so he could sit. The rest of the group went quiet when Neil finally took his spot between Dan and Matt. 

“This is Neil,” Dan said, she placed an arm around the back of his chair and Neil leaned forward to avoid the touch. He didn’t think he could handle physical contact right now, not when he was so tightly wound. Dan didn’t even notice or seem to care. She kept smiling as she said, “He works at Paul’s, you know the place.” 

“Jesus,” a blonde girl said, “How can you tolerate that asshole? I never go in there because he’s always going off about _something_.” 

Neil swallowed against the lump in his throat. “You get used to it.” 

The girl snorted and flicked her hair over her shoulder. Dan laughed. 

“Neil, this is Allison,” She said, gesturing to the blonde. She went through the rest of the table's occupants quickly. There was Seth, who only grunted out a greeting and then went back to drinking. Nicky who was far too enthusiastic and tried to climb over the table to shake Neil’s hand. Matt had to physically push him back into his seat to stop him from knocking any drinks over. There was Katelyn who smiled sweetly and gave a small wave. And, lastly there was Kevin. 

Kevin was the one that Dan assumed Neil would get along with. He wasn’t exactly welcoming but he pointed at Neil and said, “The runner, right?” 

Neil had to remind himself that they were talking about _actual_ running and not the fear infested life that he once lived with his mother.

“Yeah,” Neil said, trying to hold back a choke. Kevin nodded and took a long sip of his drink. 

“Acceptable,” Kevin said. 

“Of course,” Dan said fondly. She looked at Neil and said, “I told you he only thinks about health and fitness.”

“Renee is also here,” Matt added, “But she’s getting the next round of drinks with Aaron.” 

“Renee?” Neil asked. He really hoped that it wasn’t the same Renee from the yoga studio. That would probably be the breaking point for Neil. He would stand up and leave and never talk to any of them ever again. 

What if she told them about him? The new weird kid that she had been helping. The weird kid that was covered in scars and flinched when there was a loud noise. His nightmares were actualized when Renee and Aaron returned to the table. 

It was actually two nightmares suddenly taking place at once. 

Aaron was a spitting image of Andrew, only he wasn’t dressed in all black and his ears were pointedly void of any piercings. Neil sucked in a breath as soon as he caught sight of both of them. 

“This is Renee and Aaron,” Dan said happily, “Guys, this is Neil.” 

Renee smiled warmly and Neil bit his tongue and hoped, _prayed_ that she wouldn’t say anything stupid like _oh, I’ve met him when he comes in for yoga sessions that his therapist suggested._ He waited for the inevitable crash of the universe, but it didn’t come. 

“Nice to meet you, Neil,” Renee said warmly. She sat back down in her seat and sent him a sly wink when no one else was looking. 

Aaron didn’t say anything at all, which probably shouldn’t have been surprising because he shared DNA with Andrew. It still felt surreal to see him in a softer light. It was almost as if the Andrew Neil knew and the person right in front of him could not exist at the same time. 

“He wasn’t lying,” Neil said suddenly. Everyone looked at him with clear confusion before Neil clarified by saying, “Andrew. I thought he was joking when he said he had a twin.” 

Aaron nearly choked on his drink and placed the glass down. Katelyn reached out and patted his back soothingly. 

“You’ve met Andrew?” Nicky asked, surprised. 

Neil nodded. “I have.”

When Aaron was done choking he picked up his drink and shook his head.

“That’s unfortunate,” Aaron said and then took down the rest of his drink without stopping for air.

Nicky laughed awkwardly and tried to play it off. “What he meant to say was ‘wow cool! Where did you meet?’” 

Neil really didn’t want to tell them but at the same time he thought that maybe their reactions would be worth the admission. It was a stupid idea to hand them all of his cards. His truths were his to keep and no one else’s.

“Around,” Neil said cryptically. 

Nicky awkwardly laughed again. “Right…” 

“Anyway-” Dan said loudly. She switched the subject over to something much less significant and Neil let them talk around him in circles. He leaned back and inadvertently touched Dan’s arm on the back of his chair. He was surprised to find that it didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would.

*

Neil kept running into Andrew after his Tuesday appointments. Apparently, he was scheduled with a different therapist at the same time as Neil. Andrew smoked his rolled cigarettes and always offered but Neil always refused. Andrew caught sight of Neil’s flinch one day when he lit his cigarette with a lighter. The next week he had matches. 

It was strange. There were suddenly people in his life where there had been no one before. He was sure that Dr. Kumar would have a lot to say about it if he ever brought it up. He realized how pathetic it would sound. 

_I’ve met people and they actually give a shit about me. I’ve never had this before._

He didn’t bring it up with her because he didn’t know how to mention it without it sounding very sad.

Dan and Matt kept coming into the Deli when Neil worked. They stopped taking their sandwiches to go and started to eat them right at the counter with Neil standing across from them. He enjoyed their company. They were easy to get along with and they laughed when Neil made comments under his breath about Paul or his Long Island wife who kept coming in at the worst moments. 

This was probably what Dr. Kumar had been talking about when she told him that he needed to learn how to live rather than just survive. He was living. It was a gradual fall rather than a full push, but it was something and it was more than Neil had ever had before. 

Mondays were now reserved for Yoga and tea with Renee. She always smiled and always kept their meetings secret. She taught him new poses and breathing techniques. She walked him through meditations with a calm, clear voice and they would breathe as one unit rather than two separate people.

It was all overwhelming but Neil found that he didn’t mind. He liked this. He liked having people to talk to, having people that gave a shit about him, having people that liked to know how he felt, or see how he was doing. 

They didn’t know about the Complex PTSD, but Dr. Kumar had told Neil that he shouldn’t let it take over his entire life. He did not start and stop with his mental illness. It was just simply a part of him. A significant part of him that would never go away, but it did not define him.

*

After their yoga session, Renee took Neil to the clothing store that Allison owned and operated downtown. It was a brightly decorated shop with clothing that Neil didn’t think would ever suit him, but she thought that it would be a good idea for him to buy himself something nice. Something that he had picked out because he liked it, not because it was practical. 

“Welcome, welcome,” Allison sang out when they walked into the store. She was hanging up dresses in the front window for display purposes. She gave them both a bright unfiltered smile. Neil watched how Renee walked straight over to her and stole a kiss. 

“Do you know what you’re looking for, cutie?” Allison asked. She put the last dress up on it’s hanger and walked over to join him.

Neil shrugged. He didn’t have taste in clothing. He only ever bought things that were practical rather than things that he liked. It was safer to be inconspicuous when on the run and before that he just wore whatever his father had forced on him. 

“Okay,” Allison said, not missing a beat, “Any specific color? Style? Texture?” 

Neil shrugged again.

“I don’t know,” He admitted, “I’ve never really bought anything just because I wanted to before.” 

Allison hummed and tapped a manicured nail against her chin before snapping her fingers. 

“You’re always wearing sweaters,” She commented, “How about something soft and luxurious.” She took hold of Neil by his shoulders and forced him into the back of the store, “Come, come. I have some cute sweaters in the back.” 

The sweaters in the back were all stacked on shelves against the back wall. Neil looked over the selection and touched his fingers to the soft materials in front of him. Allison watched with excited eyes and a bounce in her step. 

“Okay, so,” Allison started, “Color?” 

Neil pointed at a pale blue sweater and said, “That’s sort of nice.” 

Allison let out a squeak of excitement. 

“Yes good, babe,” She praised, “It’s perfect. It will bring out the color of your eyes.” 

She grabbed the sweater in question and held it up and unraveled it so she could press it against Neil’s front. He touched the material, relished in how soft it was against his skin, and felt his cheeks burn hot from embarrassment. 

“I don’t know,” He admitted quietly. He didn’t really want to draw attention to himself. A pale blue sweater would do just that. 

“It’s perfect,” Allison said. She looked over to Renee and asked, “Right?” 

Renee nodded. “I think it suits you, Neil.” 

Neil swallowed against the lump that was forming in his throat. He nodded and took the sweater out of Allison’s hand. 

“I’ll get it,” He said. Allison cheered loudly and pulled him into a fast and hard hug before releasing him. Neil’s head spun in circles at the forceful contact but he found that his lips were lifting in the barest of smiles. 

Neil walked over to the cash register but Allison tsked and pushed him away. 

“It’s a gift,” Allison explained simply, “No arguments!” 

Neil opened and closed his mouth in quick succession. He wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t just give away her merchandise to someone like him. Someone so insignificant.

“Friends and family discount,” Allison said, ignoring the pained look on Neil’s face, “Emphasis on family.” 

Neil left the store with a new sweater tucked inside one of Allison’s pink gift bags. His cheeks were probably as red as his hair and Renee kept smiling at him knowingly. 

_Family_. 

He didn’t think anyone would ever choose him.

Once again he had been proven wrong. 

*

Dr. Kumar had a fidget toy on her desk that Neil never bothered to pick up. He never knew what to do with his hands when they were talking, so he often spent the entire appointment fiddling with the edge of his shirt or sweater. Dr. Kumar never commented on it, but every appointment the fidget toy was a bit closer to Neil’s seat as if she was silently telling him to just pick it up.

Today was not a good day or a bad day. Neil called the days that were stuck in the middle, ‘okay days.’

Today was an okay day. He woke up feeling a bit lost but then centered himself with an hour of yoga and 15 minutes of meditation. He didn’t flinch when someone bumped into him on the bus, but he did lean away in the other direction so it wouldn’t happen again. Okay days were his favorite days. There was no false sense of hope that came with good days and no impending doom that came with bad ones.

It was just a day. Neil liked it when it was just a day. 

Neil sat down in Dr. Kumar’s office and they went through their regular easy banter that they go through when Neil first arrives for an appointment. 

_How was work? How have you been feeling? Any flashbacks? Have you slept?_

Good. I’m fine. Not this week. Yes.

When the first questionnaire is over Dr. Kumar seemed to settle back into her chair and give Neil a look that was dripping with fondness. 

“I think that we are ready to move you from two appointments a week to just one,” She said, “You’re making amazing progress. I want you to try and see how it would be going an entire week between appointments.” 

Neil sucked in a startled breath. “Really?” 

“Yes,” Dr. Kumar said with a small laugh, “Really.” 

“So I’m getting better?” Neil asked, surprised that he hadn’t really noticed the progress before. 

“You’re doing much better,” She said, “You don’t stare out the window anymore. You talk to me willingly. You’re learning and actively using the coping techniques I have taught you. You’re doing so well and making such far strides. I am very proud of you.” 

Neil felt his cheeks heat up with a flush that he was sure matched the color of his hair. 

“With that being said there is still a lot that we have to do,” Dr. Kumar said, “But I think you’re ready to go from two appointments a week to just one.” 

“Okay,” Neil said, feeling warm all over. 

He knew that there was a lot left to do. There were a lot of things that Neil had never spoken about, a lot of things that he was sure would need to come out into the open at some point. 

He reached out without thinking and picked up the fidget toy. His fingers started tapping against the buttons on the side without much thought. Dr. Kumar gave him a significant look and Neil matched it with a serious expression of his own.

“I think I’m ready,” Neil said firmly, unwavering, “I’m ready to talk about my father.” 

Dr. Kumar sat up straight and nodded.

“Okay,” She said with just as much certainty, “Where would you like to start?” 

*

Andrew was waiting for him outside of the Mercy Medical building like he was every Tuesday. Today was no different. He had a rolled cigarette in his hand and was leaning against the pole by the front walk. Neil passed the elderly woman, whose name he had discovered to be Debbie, and gave her a smile and a soft hello. She returned the gesture. 

Andrew shined bright in the afternoon sun. He always did but today he looked more ethereal than he had before. His hair was sticking up in all sorts of directions, probably from running his hands through it during his therapy session with Bee. His eyes were fixated on something in the distance, he didn’t turn when Neil came to a stop beside him. 

“Hey,” Neil said softly. 

Andrew turned to look at him finally. If Neil’s hair was the color of a sunset then Andrew’s eyes would be the color of the sun in the mid morning. Bright, shining, and golden. 

“How’d it go?” Andrew asked. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his book of matches. He lit one and then lit his cigarette.

“Good,” Neil said, “I talked about my father.” 

Andrew gave him a significant look and then said, “That’s something.” 

“Yeah,” Neil said with a small smile, “It’s something.” 

“Any other breakthroughs?” 

“No,” Neil said, “But I think I’m happy.” 

“That’s also something.” 

“It is _also_ something.” 

Andrew took a long drag and then let the smoke filter out in Neil’s direction. It no longer reminded Neil of his mother or a burning car back on the coast of California. It reminded him of Andrew. 

“What about you?” Neil asked, “Any breakthroughs?” 

Andrew didn’t answer right away. He looked out in the distance and took another drag of his cigarette and then let the smoke slip away into the clear, blue sky. 

Neil waited for him because he always waited for him. He knew that words meant a lot to Andrew. They were not so frivolously shared without thought. 

After several minutes Andrew finally let out a breath and said, “I admitted that I want something.”

Neil leaned against the pillar, close enough that the sleeve of his pale blue sweater caught on Andrew’s elbow. 

“What did Bee say?” Neil asked. 

Andrew hummed and took another drag before dropping his cigarette to the ground and snuffing it out with the toe of his thick boots. 

“That I should give it a chance if it means so much to me,” Andrew replied. To anyone else he would sound very bored, as if he was reciting the weather, or reading the ingredients off the back of a pill bottle. To Neil it sounded like a heavy confession. 

“Are you going to?” Neil asked, then added, “Give it a chance.” 

Andrew hummed and shifted his golden eyes onto Neil. He looked him over with a heavy gaze. 

“Are you hungry?” Andrew asked suddenly. Neil felt a smile split across his face. A big smile. Not the half assed attempts at a smile that he had given before. 

“Yeah,” Neil said, for some reason he felt out of breath. 

“Good,” Andrew said. He stepped away from the pillar and took two steps in the direction of his car before stopping and holding out a hand behind him. “Let’s go then.” 

Neil kept smiling and didn’t stop even when Andrew rolled his eyes at him. He reached out and took Andrew’s hand and let himself be dragged away.

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from landslide by oh wonder
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://stjosten.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/stjosten).


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